MILTON BERLE'S MISTRESS OF 50 YEARS TELLS ALL

See what a reputation for having a huge schlong will get you after you croak? It becomes a revelation that "Mr. Television" was only an "average" lover. His showgirl mistress, Jean Forray, explains in The ENQUIRER:

"Millions of people saw him as a loud, brash personality who dressed in women's clothes and was never more than a second away from slapstick. But I loved the little boy in him. The clown antics were all for show. I knew how romantic he could be when we were alone."

They had a love child named Robert because, well, that's what people did in those days. (Actually, she had an abortion the first time around.) And while Uncle Miltie was onto his second wife, Forray reunited with Berle's prodigious appendage in the '80s.

"I remember one wonderful night in Vegas--when I was 59 and he was 76--I asked him, 'Aren't we getting a little old for this?' Obviously we weren't."

A little old for this? Really, now. After all, Miltie certainly didn't think he was a little old for this.