REALLY! IT'S THE 'WHO'S THE BOSS' KID

Dressed in drag, natch. And he makes for one vile-looking chick. Danny Pintauro, you might recall, came out of the closet ("and obviously took the contents with him") in a 1997 ENQUIRER interview. Three years later, for a cover story in "The Advocate," the lad who played the "lovably loopy Jonathan Bower" (that's "The Advocate's" description of a gig that amounted to setting up Tony Danza's punchlines) explained that, in fact, The ENQUIRER threatened to reveal the child star's homosexuality if he didn't come clean himself.


You were only 21 and out to your parents for about a year when The ENQUIRER called. Did you freak out?

No. I was utterly prepared for it. I knew it would happen sooner or later. I was out in every capacity of my life. I took a little time off at Stanford and lived in L.A. for a couple of months, and I was just being a big whore, being very out. So I was surprised it didn’t happen then.

What was the first thing you did after The ENQUIRER contacted you?

I called my parents. They were a little more freaked out [than I was].

Did your parents give you any advice?

My parents were sort of hesitant. They just didn’t know what to do. They were still dealing with me coming out and weren’t 100% ready for this. So I called Judith. And Judith knew exactly what to do. She said “Look, just talk to them. If they are going to write a bogus story, at least they’re going to quote you right, because they have to.” So I spoke with them, and it actually turned out to be a really great article. It was heartfelt. There was lots of compassion. Everyone was very surprised. So I have some respect for the ENQUIRER for that. It could have gone very wrong, but it didn’t.

Seems like they owe a debt to Danny for that one. That's why he sends in a snapshot of himself at the Crown & Anchor in Provincetown, Mass. and it shares a page with a story on the "American Idol" finalists. But does The ENQUIRER not know where to find an attractive drag queen? Mike Walker's All The Gossip pages in this issue features Kelli Osbourne gyrating onstage at the G-A-Y club in London, overshadowed by a repulsive leather bikini-clad hermaphrodite. At least "Globe" casts a more positive light on gender bending this week, however hypothetical.