Friday, August 30, 2002


Presumably, you could wallpaper the White House with one copy of every article The ENQUIRER has ever run deploring drug use amongst celebrities (and regular folk) over the past 50 years. Are we to presume the tide is turning? The headline for a four-paragraph item seems to laud Nelson for his weedish ways at age 69, even if the actual article makes no mention of such activities. (That is, unless most readers assume the term "itinerant singer" used by Nelson to described himself is a fancy euphemism for "baked".) Mike Walker's All The Gossip spread, meanwhile, serves up this nugget:

Clouds of funny-smelling smoke wafted up from "Spider-Man" hottie Kirsten Dunst's patio table at one of Hollywood's hottest nightspots--which included a "dealer" dude who kept rolling joints in plain sight and passing them around! It was brazen behavior even for TinselTown, and stunned eyewitnesses noticed that Kirsten toked every time a hand-rolled was passed around, made no effort to hide it--and kept getting progressively gigglier!!

The classifieds in this week's ENQUIRER, though, only feature one advert with the headline "BEING DRUG TESTED?" Just one? At this rate, it's only a matter of time before the clients who've traditionally bought into "High Times" are solicited to fill display space vacated by the tobacco companies.
posted by Marc Weisblott 3:38 PM Comments?

THE HOOKUP: Because it's The ENQUIRER, it takes a while to sink in that their (presumably) new The HOOKUP section is their equivalent of "Teen People" or any number of other Generation Y offshoots of popular periodicals. More recently, a revamped "Rolling Stone" is also prompting purists to shudder in response to the rock magazine's apparent determination to pander to the shorter attention spans of the generation born after MTV.

Could this be a trend, then? Will we be seeing The HOOKUP as a separate publication in supermarket checkout lines someday, competing for rack space with all of American Media's other rags? The latest installment features candid shots of starlets with exposed thongs, even if some of them (like Carre Otis) are shot from the rear--at least you know that's gotta be Pamela Anderson because of her tattoo. Also, a section called The Juice Bar informs us that Gwyneth Paltrow hangs out with Madonna, the bassist of Korn has a porn star sister, and the Osbournes found their dog. There are 7 Things You Didn't Know About ... Michelle Branch. "1: Born July 2, 1983 in Flagstaff, Ariz ... 4: is a huge fan of Steven Tyler." Well, the two of those things go together, don't they?

Also readers of The HOOKUP learn, in an exclusive interview that NELLY HURTS FOR HIS FRIEND. His former rapmate, City Spud (real name: Lavell Webb) "who's serving a 10-year sentence in a Missouri prison after pleading guilty to robbery and armed criminal action in 1999 for his role in a heist that left another man seriously wounded." Nelly is working with the system to try and get him out because, after all, it really is unfortunate that people who do things like that need to be incarcerated. Is it safe to say The HOOKUP section brandishes a morality that's distinct from the rest of The ENQUIRER?